Wednesday, June 4
i wonder .. have i been doing the wrong thing up till now?
i didnt wanna talk abt this, i thought i would never bring this up again, i thought i'm strong enough to keep everything to myself.
but i really couldnt stand this, this is just ripping my heart more everyday.
yes, is been a long time since i laughed, really laugh, i thought it was a joke, but at the end of the world, i'm the only one laughing at a topic they talked abt everyday.
it's been a long time since i smiled, at something, i really yearn for it, i thought i was smiling very happily, but, before i knew it, it was just a fake smile tt i used to denied.
it's really hurting deep inside.
i'm sorry, i knew i promised to keep everything to myself, but this would be the last time i'm saying this.
i'm not saying for sympathization, i dunt need it.
this, is not another poem, for me to tell you how much i loved you.
i'm sick of tt.
this, is not another sad story you claimed, when ppl read and tear along.
is not suppose to be sentimental.
i'm just saying this as i couldnt take the pain anymore.
my love, is like the kite, whn i made it fly up high, yet handing the string to someone else.
seeing it flying further and further, the urge of chasing, i couldnt do it.
i feels like screaming, out to the world, telling the world i'm stupid.
but i couldnt.
it had been a long time, for me to hide my emotions and wipe it off with a laugh.
a hard time.
and i wished .. i was never brought here before.
i know everything i shouldnt, saw everything tt i hadnt, what could i do to stop my pursuit
do you know is actually very hard, for me to hide my emotions when everyone around just
keep mentioning your name to her, like as if it was a daily routine, without acknowledging
the fact tt i'd be bleeding.
very hard, for me to tease her when you gave her a peck on the lips.
even harder, to pretend nothing has happen even though i know everything.
& i feel, sometimes, is best not to know anything.
no matter how curious you can be.
the feeling of learning the truth, yet denying.
is very disturbing.
i'm always finding excuses to avoid the problem.
though knowing it's inevitable and i've got to face it one day.
is only a matter of sooner or later..
the later, the worse.
life is so sad and miserable.
dunt wished to think abt it, hoping i could get a new, better life the next day.
but wishes, just doesnt come true.. ): how sad.
i always tell ppl tt facts need to be faced, dunt run away from problems.
they just told me is hard.
& now i know, what's so hard, so hard, being pulled back all the time.
i'm also a person tt had feelings.
than tell me who can i turn to now?
mixed feelings, is just so hard for me to laugh the day off when i'm hiding my tears.
